all over it

I am, I am all over it.... oh wait or is that over it all?
Nope pretty sure its over it all.
People. People annoy me. As a species. The greed and lack of love for anything but themselves tends to shit me to tears.
I may also be a bit... premenstrual, which as a general rule means that things that I may have overlooked previously will get you a look and some very serious thoughts about atomic wedgies. But a good old slap in the face is also rather satisfying.

On a positive note I started on the patch in the community garden today.

"Gardening is about enjoying the smell of things growing in the soil, getting dirty without feeling guilty, and generally taking the time to soak up a little peace and serenity.  ~Lindley Karstens"

This is how it started....

  Hmm yes not too good. But I dug and turned and picked and plucked with my very helpful assistant ( 3year old) and we got about a third done. And we got so plants in too. Tomato, silverbeet (multicoloured) spring onion, mixed sweet capsicum, Lettuces, broad beans and butter beans. I also put a rosemary plant in the corner. I would have taken an after shot but got so distracted but the magpie swooping me and the watering system that I forgot. That will have to wait for another day.

I spent a couple of lovely hours doing this and enjoying the peace of it all before rejoining the real world and losing all that lovely serenity.

On an up side we went to lunch at hubbies work today and totally owned the chocolate machine :)

best laid plans...

Sorry for not posting sooner guys... I don't seem to be able to get my poo together at the moment. I am trying to keep up with my active sporty type stuff to get ready for this "fun" run in December and also working hard at sneaking super healthy stuff into everyone's foods and drinks.. although the Barley Greens has beaten me at the moment the only thing I can put that in is the super juices I make and then only in mine cause it sticks.. and pretty much tastes how it smells. Then there is the whole support your hubby type thing which in this place has a lot of ups and downs for both of us. Three boys who's behaviour seems to have changed over night from the best of friends to antagonists And a booming small business which is great but full on especially when it isn't just me who has to make the things. Then I feel bad harassing others to "chop,chop" so to speak. I have also joined the community garden as I previously mentioned and I have been studying up on what to plant in my new climate. Middle child was also concussed on Monday at school....

His eye is now a wonderful dark purple... and he has the flu. Uni stuff goes online today and we are away for the weekend ( middle child and daddy are off to the footy while we visit family) to Melbourne when really I should be in a cleaning frenzy for our house inspection on Wednesday. House inspections are apparently done every three months now, did you know that... there is no better way to constantly remind you that this is not your home... don't get too comfy cause we are going to come in a judge you every couple of months.
This is also the start of super busy months for us, Canberra in September, QLD twice in October, Newcastle and Taree in November..... oh and there are two family members birthday in there as well. Then Christmas.... which means Christmas stock is in the works already because otherwise when will I get them done.

Oh Boo Fucking Who I hear you say and well you should the things that make up life are what I am whinging about and if I didn't like my life well I would do something to change it.

But don't you just wake up sometimes and look at everything you need to do for the day and go.. really? again? can't I just stay in bed for a little bit? ( background noise of children playing and not getting ready for school and two dogs attempting to get to the dinner plates from last night, oops and there goes the god damn alarm again)

On a bonus Side Geek-r-ee is making me rather proud at the moment. It all seems to be happening, I have even organised an Etsy party for next week.. which falls after the inspection but before darling hubby gets back from several days in Sydney. Hopefully people come..... I am going to make this..
http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/879908

Ah well back to the cleaning before I get stuck into this really awesomesauce Dr. Who bag that just needs some finishing up.

Ohh Give me home amongst the gum trees... with lots of plum trees

I WANT A FARM!

It doesn't have to be huge, just a couple of acres. enough for me and the family and all our animals. A horse, chickens, some lambs to fatten up, a fish farm/ garden set up thingy... wait what is it called Aquaponics. Where the fish help the veggies grow while they grow big enough to eat. We went to a friends farm yesterday. I loved it and so did the boys. I want spaces for growing things. We bought home oranges, the tastiest damn oranges ever.

 

My boys had the best time by the end of it they were covered in hay and you would of thought they had grown up there. They rode on a horse for the first time ever. Not a Shetland pony which they rode once at a party which most definitely doesn't count, but a real horse! His name is Whiskey and he was lovely.

 I was standing there watching them and I was filled with ... Raging jealousy. I want land. I want a horse. I want bees and a peaceful home where boys can run free.

The other amazing thing was that they got to feed and play with one day old lambs. It was wonderful and amazing to see something one day old jumping around.

 what a wonderful way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I will be starting up at the community garden on Wednesday. No its not the same but its a start. One day will will find our forever home.
Oh and we got to given a couple of rabbits to eat too. Luke cooked them because I just couldn't do it. The boys all loved it. "tastes like chicken" said Franky. I had a small piece and it was in no way horrid but for some reason I just couldn't do it. Odd how the mind works isn't it.

Gingerphile...?

I was going to write my post today about joining the community garden, and about how my new fitness reigm is coming along in prepartion for the December "Fun" Run. But instead I thought I should really write about something that I have started noticing...
I have recently been accused of being a gingerphile. In case you cant figure our what I am talking about... I have a thing for Red heads. I think it dates back to kindergarten. My first little boyfriend who name I forget but face and red hair still stays in my mind. My husband has ginger hair. Or more to the point a ginger beard and is under strict instructions to never shave again.

My main ranger love is for Ron or if we are going to be pedantic Rupert Grint. Obviously not in this picture more the sentiment, but in this one...

 

 One of the all time favourites is obviously Ewen McGregor. In Star Wars! goodness me Obi Wan.

 I dont know what it is? But it is definately something there. Isnt that odd. What started the whole conversation was I happened to mention the australian Pole Vaulter, Steve Hooker and the fact that I thought  he was a bit of alright.  On The book of face a few friends and I have a group called "The List" it is a wonderful place to look through.... My favourites tend to lean towards Superhero actors, you know Captain America, Thor, Ironman..... or old school actors like Gene Kelly or Paul Newman ( no sauce jokes please) Or the beautiful ginger Howard Keel ( mmmm seven brides for seven brothers, they dont make them like that anymore)

Dont judge me just enjoy what you enjoy :) life is to short to be a prude or judge what others like or don't besides if we all liked the same type of person there wouldnt be enough for everyone.

did I mention I am sitting here typing this listening Ed Sheeran...

alcohol eat your heart out... there is a new addiction in town

Hello my name is Jodie and I play Songpop. It is a new game via facebook or if you are truly desperate you can also get an app from Itunes. I play up to 20 times a day, usually while my husband isn't home so he cant judge me.

Seriously though.. Best game ever!

names removed to protect the innocent :)

When we were little we used to play in the car a game where when a song cam on the radio you had to try and guess what it was before the singing started.. harder than you would think. I think this game has prepared me well in life though.... for activities like Rockwiz or Spicks and Specks. It is like my ability to say most Disney movies word for word. Sing most 80's songs, musicals, Monty Python movies. Yep totally gave me an unfair advantage over all those maths and computer experts. Yep. Hmm

Any who the other reason I am blogging today is not to just confess to my addiction ( one of many if you count coffee, goats cheese, and a quarter chicken and chips) But to show you the before picture of my Garden area which I will hopefully be working on over the next few weeks (months?) to get up and running.

 

OK so this is what I have to work with, the only area that can be blocked off from the dogs. The first thing you will notice is a lot of shade.. and cement. Its ok I will prevail watch this space.... I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it ( actually I should probably put buy shovel on my list of things to do)

Regrets I had a few...

I have been thinking lately... as you do.. about regrets. I find it hard to look at my life and regret things because if I changed one little thing then everything would be different. And I couldn't take the risk that I would lose my children and husband by changing just one thing that has maybe stuck around in the back of my head for years. That Boy in high school who was my first love... but I broke up with because that completely freaked out my anti-love anti-marriage bitter teenager. He thought it was him... he thought I just rejected him because I didn't do it right. I never got to sit down and tell him so and watched other go on to break his heart and him again think it was him. I regret not putting myself out there and telling him what an amazing person he was and is. And yet if those things hadn't happened I wouldn't be here now. I think next reunion I am going to drink a lot of alcohol and sit him down and tell him and to hell with humiliating myself.

The missed opportunity of a job teaching gymnastics in the states. I was offered a spot in an acting school and did that instead. And I did it well... but didn't go back to my second year of study because I was also working at a casino and found that sleep is actually important. And I really liked having a paycheck and that boy I had just met ( who would become my husband)

All the money I threw away in the early years... drinking and gambling and general frivolity when I could have had a smaller home loan by now... but then would I have regretted not having fun while I was young? hmm who knows, probably....
why such gloomy thoughts I hear you say... well I have been reading about this
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

and it really makes you think? why didn't I do that? and what you will think of your actions at the end of this crazy life.

My one big regret that haunts me almost daily is a friendship I let go. We are still friends yes but now there is a gap. a space that doesn't seem like it will ever fill. Lost contact, changed lives... these are the cause but not the reason. Giving up and not trying were the reasons it fell apart and once distance develops in a friendship or any relationship really it is very hard to close the gap. especially when both people got hurt. How do you move on and close the gap? I want to but don't know how? I don't know if I could put myself out there because the more you care about a person the more power they have to hurt you deeply. What if I am rejected what if I really don't know them anymore? or worse what if they finally figured out that they don't really like me after all? I think if I lost even the little bit that we still share a small part of me would shrivel up and die... and I like that part of me and who we were together.

Do you have regrets? its not too late. Do something about it. Do it now...

Thats my secret Cap....

I tend to get in a mood.. occassionally that mood means that I am for all purposes completely insane. Last night was one of those nights.. and today doesnt seem to have gotten any better. Last night I threw a chair, I think part of me stays minimally sane because when I lose it. I dont tend to hurt anyone just become rather scary... My children played a fun game of ..

And the thing is.. they arent that bad as far as kids go, you can never really pin point the moment when they went too far. It just happens... then poo hits the fan.

Today I feel like I am just walking around looking for a fight. Seriously dont start. I will go ape-shit before you can blink. Some people at this point are laughing... they obviously have never witnessed "Jodie going ape-shit"  Its not a lot of fun for anyone involved. I used to play roller derby whiched helped. None of the girls actually minded you skating it out or taking them out if it made you feel better. And should thay happen to bruise so much the better... photos can be taken and enjoyed. But I dont really have a release anymore. Nothing. I just slowly fester. Those close see the warning signs, my three year old will randomly pat my back. My six year old will start hugging me a lot with random "I love you"s thrown in. The eight year old is rather relaxed.. but will start helping me with dinner or whispering to his brothers to cut it out.

I think it is part of my cycle... mid cycle I get really angry, and very teary (stupid hormones) unfortunately I am so random I never know when it will hit so there is no warning for anyone.

I nearly ripped a girl last night online. Do you want to know why.. she used the word 'everythink" IT ISNT A WORD. I mean I am not the best with spelling and will use the wrong Threw/through etc especially if I am in a hurry but even I draw the line. The first time I gave her the benifit of the doubt... slip of the fingers so to speak but then she wrote it again!!! I didnt even know her and I wanted to grab her around the neck and shake her violently.

I think random people know when I am like this... they seem to avoid me on the street, a survival instinct perhaps.... my husband tends to like to poke me when he can tell I am build up. He like to get it all out before it becomes bad or worse I become... QUIET. My cousin used to know what was coming and leave the room she said there were signs for anyone to see. My jaw starts clenching, I tend to grind my teeth ( they are falling appart because of this habbit) my nostrils actually flare... and on occasion my eyes tend to get a lighter brown. Fair warning I say... now if all of them are happening and you are still standing close enough to see it. Good Luck to you