Regrets I had a few...

I have been thinking lately... as you do.. about regrets. I find it hard to look at my life and regret things because if I changed one little thing then everything would be different. And I couldn't take the risk that I would lose my children and husband by changing just one thing that has maybe stuck around in the back of my head for years. That Boy in high school who was my first love... but I broke up with because that completely freaked out my anti-love anti-marriage bitter teenager. He thought it was him... he thought I just rejected him because I didn't do it right. I never got to sit down and tell him so and watched other go on to break his heart and him again think it was him. I regret not putting myself out there and telling him what an amazing person he was and is. And yet if those things hadn't happened I wouldn't be here now. I think next reunion I am going to drink a lot of alcohol and sit him down and tell him and to hell with humiliating myself.

The missed opportunity of a job teaching gymnastics in the states. I was offered a spot in an acting school and did that instead. And I did it well... but didn't go back to my second year of study because I was also working at a casino and found that sleep is actually important. And I really liked having a paycheck and that boy I had just met ( who would become my husband)

All the money I threw away in the early years... drinking and gambling and general frivolity when I could have had a smaller home loan by now... but then would I have regretted not having fun while I was young? hmm who knows, probably....
why such gloomy thoughts I hear you say... well I have been reading about this
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

and it really makes you think? why didn't I do that? and what you will think of your actions at the end of this crazy life.

My one big regret that haunts me almost daily is a friendship I let go. We are still friends yes but now there is a gap. a space that doesn't seem like it will ever fill. Lost contact, changed lives... these are the cause but not the reason. Giving up and not trying were the reasons it fell apart and once distance develops in a friendship or any relationship really it is very hard to close the gap. especially when both people got hurt. How do you move on and close the gap? I want to but don't know how? I don't know if I could put myself out there because the more you care about a person the more power they have to hurt you deeply. What if I am rejected what if I really don't know them anymore? or worse what if they finally figured out that they don't really like me after all? I think if I lost even the little bit that we still share a small part of me would shrivel up and die... and I like that part of me and who we were together.

Do you have regrets? its not too late. Do something about it. Do it now...